Strange title for a blog post, I know. It's one of those things where I'm not real sure how this writing will go so I left it open for change. How's that?
You know I've been told that I write well. I've had a couple people tell me I should start a news paper. I've had others tell me that my writings speak to them. I've had several tell me they've learned so much more about me and things I've dealt with that they understand me as a person more.
You've never said anything about my works though. I've written to you before. I don't recall you having ever said if you thought I wrote well. If something I had written spoke to you, or if you thought anything about it at all. I'm fairly certain you never read anything I wrote. Except for that 1 journal article that one time. Whewwww that did not go well. Do you remember that? I like my crime dramas and I had been watching a lot of Snapped. I wrote my own snapped story. It just happened to be during a time that we weren't in a good place and you thought took it so far off the charts the wrong way. Man. I guess fiction isn't my strong suite.
My mom did that once. She was the first one that ever took me to a psychiatrist / psychologist, that's where I learned to journal as a way to get the thoughts out. I quit when I learned my mom read it and found out I'd had sex and was smoking. I should've followed that 2nd piece of advice and burned it. But, I've never been good at that. I still have journals from years ago. I'm going to pull them out and write my book. It's going to be the story of me. LOL makes you wonder if anyone would actually read it. But. I'm kinda waiting to write it till I see where our story goes.
It's been changing recently. Up until 24 hours ago I thought it was going pretty well. Things appeared to me changing in a positive direction. Then all of the sudden everything took a 180.
Now I don't know. It seems to be a theme with us.
Every time things go 'well' things get bad. I almost wonder if it's not something that's on purpose. Not on purpose in the way that it's outright sabotage but on purpose in a self-destructive incoherent sabotage way. What I mean is it's as if you won't allow yourself to be happy. When you are you do something to cause an uproar or chaos. Like you don't deserve to be happy.
I don't know. It's just an observation but, it has been a theme for sure.
That's what I'm wondering now. I'm wondering if we will ever really be able to move forward. I'm wondering if you're ever going to allow yourself to be happy. If you're ever going to deem yourself worthy of happiness.
But the thing is I'm here. I'm not going anywhere. You're my person. You are the person I see in my life till I die. Till death do us part babe. It's not my bestie, or 2nd best, or the guy that thinks he's my soul mate or the one who reads me poetry in a foreign language or even the one who says he's my mirror. It's not them. They're great. But, you. You are my person. You are the person I want to wake up next to. You are the one I will walk drunk at midnight to find. You are the one.
Lord I pray please watch over him. Protect him. Sheild him from the lies of the devil. Lord show him his worth. Show him what I see. Remind him that he is more important than the sparrows and that you've numbered every hair on his head. Lord send your angels to protect him, your holy spirit to guide him and Jesus Christ to heal him.
I pray blessings over him. Over our relationship I ask for healing and forgiveness. You Lord can change things in an instant. I have faith in your Lord and I turn him over to you. In your mighty name I pray.
Hey, my person. I love you.