Here we are again. It's a week after the New Year and it's not very different. Yet, it is. Things have changed. I wonder sometimes how much has actually changed. I look at what is happening in the world around us and it makes me miss the world I grew up in. I despise having things like Facebook, and cell phones. People at your fingertips 24/7. News feed from the entire world 24/7. And we wonder why so many marriages fail and so many people are suicidally depressed. It's not that hard to figure out. The human brain was never meant to process everything we process in a day.
Our partners see other people online, their lives, their cars, houses, family, and their perfect little filtered selfies. and they start judging their own lives. The compare and they try to keep up with them. They don't think about the debt behind the cars and houses, or the 2000 tries to get the one forced family photo. Then eventually they get lost to it. The filtered selfies become the wanted lifestyle versus the real person sharing their life with them.
We tend to forget that we're not the only one who go through things. We tend to get wrapped up in our own problems that we forget that everyone else has problems too.
SO what makes this new year different? This new year I've taken steps to be different. We're 7 days in and I've detached, deleted, discontinued, unfollowed, unsubscribed, and ignored a whole lot of things. I've paid off things and freed myself of them. I've cut ties. I've severed the cord and made sure that there was nothing to hold me back anymore.
In doing so I learned a lot of hurtful things. I discovered that there were things that should've have happened that didn't. There were things that weren't supposed to happen that did. Suspicions became realities. Which oddly enough makes things a bit easier to deal with.
It's one thing to think something and have hope that your wrong. It's another thing to have someone tell you "i know that's true, it did happen'.
So what does that mean?
It means, I've reached a new chapter in my journey. It means the tide has turned.
I sometimes miss my old life. The way you miss any habit. You reach for it and it's not there anymore. I sometimes think that maybe just maybe something will give. But.. Now .. Things are different. Now i remind myself of the things that were wrong. I remind myself of the reasons I had to make the changes i made.
I've been told that "i'm wrong, and it was all for nothing and one day I'll see and I'll pay for it because karma will get me, and I'll have to answer to God for it" and for a while that really broke my heart. For a while I thought that was the truth. Then i remembered. The why. The why is the most important thing before you do anything. Know why you're doing it so that in those moments when your weak or in doubt you can come back to your why and push through.
I could list all my reasons here but i'm not going to. My reasons are important to me and no matter who says what about them they were my reasons and they were not in vain.
2023 will not make me new. I will. It isn't a new year new me. It's a new me and a new year. In 4 days it will be 1 year since everything was final. In the last 4 months i've made more progress than i have the entire time. I look forward to the progress i make the next 4 months.
I believe i'm finally coming out of the storm and God is about to show me why I went through it and what it was all for. I believe God is about to bless my family in ways we never imaged.