Have you ever gotten in that frumpy mood where all you can do is ask, why me? I have. It sucks. It's that can't get unstuck, can't turn around, can't figure out where, when, or why, and all you can do is say 'why me?'
I'm not perfect. Yes, I'm a christian. Yes, I have faith. Yes, I believe that all things are possible through Jesus Christ my Lord and Savior because he strengthens me. But... I'm still human. I still have a tendency to sit there and go 'what', 'why me?'
And why not. I mean think about it. Why can't I ask why me?
I'm not supposed to. I'm supposed to have this faith thing down pat and I'm supposed to know that all things happen for a reason for God's will and for my good. So when I had to leave my ex there was a reason. When I had to quit my job there was a reason. When I had to take a leap of faith to step out and make massive life altering decisions there was a reason. What is that reason? I don't know yet.
It's possible that part of it was to change my career path. Several times I've prayed and asked God to show me my gift. Everyone has a God given talent and I have no idea what mine is. I write but, I'm not a novelist. I ride but, I'm not showing horses and making 10's of thousands of dollars. I parent but, my kids aren't curing cancer. So I have no clue what it is that I do well. I'm a jack of all master of none and I have no idea what it is that I'm supposed to be doing in this life.
I have friends that have talents. I have one who can sing, man that woman has a set of pipes on her. Another can play drums, one that plays guitar I could put them together and have a 3 man band. I mean seriously. I have a friend that can fly (several actually) they're so crazy and so good at controlling their bodies in the air they look like they're flying. It's an amazing talent. But... Is that where they want to be? They all ask why me sometimes too.
I'm going to try to go about my day today and not ask why me, because for the past 5-6 days that's just about all I've gotten done. I've dropped the ball on eBay. I've dropped the ball on my blog. I've bailed on friends. My kids even went to stay with their dad a couple days cause mom just wasn't any fun for a few days. Granted they'd been here all week and were on break but still...
There are so many times that I want to say "why me" and I look at the things going on in the world and I think about how much worse some other people have it. I have a food addiction but, I'm not on drugs, alcohol, or medication. I'm healthy.
I am able to go. I am able to do. I am able to pay bills. I am blessed.
So when I say 'why me' it's temporary. It's a few minutes or a few days at most that I don't feel like I have the faith I need. I don't feel like I have the things I need. I don't feel like I have the mindset I need. But.. I will get it back. I will give God his battle back. I will let him fight it for me. I will allow God to do what God has planned in my life even if I have to feel fear to exercise my faith.
Today I'm going to "Let it go" because it is not serving me anymore.